


Not so Regrettable Life

by Hevi



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cute Kids, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Family, KuroKuratober, M/M, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:07:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27268465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hevi/pseuds/Hevi
Summary: Leorio observes Kurapika's love life from getting married to having children with the man he once hated.
Relationships: Kurapika/Kuroro Lucifer | Chrollo Lucifer
Comments: 3
Kudos: 105





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based on Seiyuna's prompts list.  
> Day 29- wedding  
> Being stuck on lockdown with my nephews for the past few months made me reflect on how life's been chaotic before they were even born, namely, their parents' infamous wedding.  
> 

Kurapika announced via an email that he wasn’t only dating their main rival but also getting married to him by the end of the month.

The whole company was thrown for a loop. They didn’t know Kurapika had any interest in dating, let alone harbor any feeling besides detest towards his-soon-to-be husband.

Despite his claims, Leorio had no clue about the whole thing until Kurapika mentioned it casually over the phone.

“Are you free on Saturday? I need to get you a new suit. Something decent. None of the cheap crap from college.”

“What do you mean? My suit is in perfect condition! I wear it in my sleep. And I can do Wednesday.”

“I get off work early on Wednesdays usually, but I have been busy sorting out everything before the wedding. What about Friday night?”

“Come again. Who’s getting married?”

He should have seen it coming really. Kurapika never talked enthusiastically about other people like he did about his business rival Chrollo.

Leorio’s mistake was misinterpreting the signs. Kurapika’s frustration masked his respect and admiration for a man he had too much in common with. Leorio also realized with horror that the antagonizing shit they had going on was a courtship ritual.

The wedding was held in a lavishly decorated ballroom. Flowers Leorio couldn’t name were arranged neatly on every table. Mirrored walls reflected soft candlelight. Nothing about this wedding suited Kurapika's practical nature or his family judging by their reaction.

Around 300 people attended the wedding, business partners, colleagues, Kurapika’s whole extended family, and Chrollo’s friends who weren’t allowed to enter. Leorio rushed to see a street gang beating the security guards. The security staff apologized later for mistaking the guests for wanted criminals, which Leorio was certain they were, at least for beating a man within an inch of his life.

The guests danced to a short, repeating playlist because the DJ they hired didn’t show up. Once he did, they wished he didn’t come after all. Kurapika’s grandma was absolutely horrified by the obscenity in the songs, and no one dared to dance but Chrollo’s gang. Everyone watched awkwardly as a man twerked while his friend slapped his ass. Some important clients left before dinner, and Kurapika’s nice neighbor Mito had to cover her child’s ears and eyes. Leorio tried to take Gon’s friend back to his parents, but they were busy recording their son dancing. Kurapika was rightfully furious; Chrollo, thankfully, had to drag his lot away from the dance floor.

The dinner they ordered got mixed up, only cheese and cakes arrived. Leorio by that point was dead-exhausted. His plan of hooking up with a pretty woman vanished. He went to wash his face in the bathroom and saw a wary man waiting outside. In the bathroom, a woman, he learned later that she was one of Kurapika’s colleagues, was crushing a man’s most precious possession. Leorio winced and stepped to save him, but a moan assaulted his ears. He bolted outside. The man who was waiting sent him a sympathetic smile. 

Melody was looking for him. She led him to Kurapika heaving into a bag while his mother poured water over his hair. He was hammered from angry-drinking, delirious from bent-up rage and nerves. When Chrollo tried to stop him from drinking himself into oblivion, Kurapika spilled his drink over his husband’s suit. 

“At least you didn’t puke on him.” 

Kurapika glared, looking miserable. 

“It’s all his fucking fault.” 

“Easy now. Cursing in front of your mother.” 

“No, he is right,” his mother said, massaging her son’s back. 

Leorio left the room to salvage what was left of the wedding. The vows were left unsaid, and Leorio wondered if they were going to cut the cake at all. Chrollo rushed to him, wearing an ill-fitted suit. He asked where Kurapika was. Leorio advised him not to enter, unless he wanted to get eaten alive. He nodded and went in anyway. Not a second passed before a loud bang echoed from the room.

“I don’t want to see your face right now.”

“You don’t look so good.” 

“Thanks to you. Where did you steal this suit from?”

“Shalnark.” 

“What’s he going to wear? We didn’t take any pictures.” 

“Don’t worry. We will swap.” 

“How can I not worry! Everything went the worst way imaginable. The chairman watched Hisoka shake his ass in my wedding and we have nothing to serve but cheese.”

“And cake.” Silence followed. Kurapika was probably fixing Chrollo with the death glare.

“I bribed Chairman Netero with booze. I doubt he was sober to see anyone’s ass. You don’t have to worry about anything, my love. Just freshen up.” 

“When will the photographer arrive? He isn’t answering. This wedding is a disaster.”

“I know, but it will be a funny story to tell our- "

Leorio could hear Kurapika slapping Chrollo’s hand away.

“Sit down, you don’t know shit.”

“I contacted the photographer. He will be coming shortly,” Kurapika’s mother said in a tight voice.

“Oh, Ma, we should have listened to you and had a small wedding. If only someone didn’t insist on inviting everyone we fucking know.”

“No need to cry over spilled milk. You two need to figure this out.”

Leorio pretended to check his phone when he heard the door opening. He sent a nod to Ms. Kurta, who nodded back, looking as exhausted as he felt. His phone rang. He let out a deep sigh and answered, expecting to hear another disaster.

The guests were leaving. Kurapika’s cousin was pegging the priest to wait a little longer.

One brilliant mind proposed the idea of the couple’s friends giving speeches. It went well at first. A gorgeous, busty blond woman wiped a tear, saying she never imagined Chrollo settling down. Leorio felt for her. The thought of Kurapika getting married never crossed his mind either, but here he was, trying to save his friend’s wedding.

Then came Neon, the daughter of Kurapika’s biggest client, who declared her big crush on Chrollo. The room went dead silent that one could hear a mouse fart.

Leorio was about to scream bloody murder at the shithead who let her talk when he spotted Melody and Bill panicking by the kitchen’s door. He went to investigate. Help him God if another-

Someone grabbed a handful of the cake before anyone could take a picture. They didn’t cut a slice like any civilized human. They ate with their hands or - paws. Leorio glared at Mike, whose eyes alone could make a man piss himself. Out of pity for the poor dog, Leorio left him to finish the cake in peace. It was a nice change from human skulls for sure.

“We could make layers of cupcakes and cover them with frosting,” Bill said, but even he sounded unsure.

Melody shook her head. Mike had already eaten those.

Right then and there, Leorio gave up. Nothing could save this wedding. It wasn’t meant to be.

To cure his splitting headache, he grabbed a drink from the bar. He was lamenting the life choices that lead him here when he heard chomping sounds from the counter. 

“Stop eating all of it, Killua!”

Gon and Killua were stuffing their mouths with chocolate cake.

“Hey! Where did you get this from?”

With a stuffed mouth, Killua attempted to threaten him. He let out a shrill scream when the cake was taken away from him. The two devils had stolen 10 cakes from the mixed up order and eaten all but one. 

When he returned, he noticed a few people were missing, including the priest. 

Back in the room, Kurapika and Chrollo exchanged their vows and shared the chocolate cake. Kurapika had threatened to kill whoever dare smash his face in it, but Uvogin did anyway, almost losing his hand in the process.

Leorio ate a piece, the nutty, rich chocolate almost compensated for the shitty wedding. Marriage was a nightmare for him now; he doubted he could ever recover. Chrollo’s friends were betting on how long the marriage would last. If Leorio didn’t value their friendship, he would bet not for damn long. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 31- family  
> A little late, but here nonetheless!

Against all odds, Kurapika and Chrollo’s marriage was successful. 

It wasn’t always easy. Leorio could recall the first days when Chrollo would leave and come as he pleased, not used to telling anyone his plans. That, however, quickly changed. Now, Chrollo couldn’t spend a day without sending Kurapika a random picture of a cat, a quote he found amusing, Franklin and Nobunaga going head to head, his lunch, or himself. A habit Kurapika encouraged by replying in the same fashion. Leorio wouldn’t mind if he wasn’t the subject of much of their photos exchange. Their victims were many, but only he seemed to care. What infuriated him the most was how subtle they were, often reading or sitting together in peaceful silence. Except it wasn’t the normal kind of silence. 

They could tell what the other felt or wanted from the slightest of twitches, would carry out silent conversations that went unnoticed by everyone but Leorio, were quick to pick up on each other’s thoughts and feelings like old couples who spent the better half of their lives together.

Leorio was a witness to the way Chrollo would bury his head in Kurapika’s neck only to tell him to take it easy and stop drinking, the way Kurapika would intertwine their hands under the table, sensing his husband’s souring mood, the way they would wordlessly decide what to tell you before you even finish speaking.

They weren’t overly public with their affection, but it was obvious to those who bothered to see. Chrollo always had a part of himself touching - or almost touching Kurapika, a hand hugging the waist, pressing on the back, or resting on the shoulder. At first, Leorio thought Kurapika was merely tolerating his touchy husband, but he recognized his mistake when he noticed how Kurapika positioned himself, always close to Chrollo. When the other didn’t initiate contact, Kurapika would press himself closer until his husband’s hand found its way to his back or shoulder. When Leorio brought this to his attention, Kurapika responded with, “I get cold easily.” 

Leorio was a frequent visitor to the Kurta-Lucilfer household, which was surprisingly cozy, unlike Chrollo’s extravagant taste. It was warm like a hug, classical music playing from an unknown source, scented candles burning softly on the dinner table Leorio and Pakunoda had cooked as both of the house owners had the cooking skills of a college student. 

Visiting them was nice, refreshing from the long hours he spent in the clinic, if you don’t count the times he gambled his money away with Chrollo’s friends. Leorio promised to stop letting Phinks and Feitan goad him into another poker game. He knew they were cheating, but he wasn’t one to back down from a fight. Partly because he wanted to impress Pakunoda, but that didn’t work out well. He had lost a few hundreds before he learned that her friend was actually her girlfriend, which explained Machi’s glares. And here he thought she hated him for no reason. 

Leorio was once told that he had a special ability of landing himself in awkward situations, and he believed that after the burning accident. You see, the Kurta had a strict rule of spending the holidays with each other, and Leorio always joined. In their first year together, Kurapika and Chrollo invited him to the yearly gathering. He was busy and almost apologized but changed his mind when they insisted.

As soon as he arrived, he realized he fell for a trap. 

The air of hostility choked the room. It was no secret that Kurapika’s mother didn’t think much of her son-in-law. Chrollo had the perfect plan to change that. He allegedly learned how to cook a traditional chicken soup, a hearty and spicy soup he was planning to impress everyone with. He needed Leorio’s help, which was OK. Leorio would help anyway to prevent an inevitable disaster. Unknown to Leorio, simple instructions flew over Chrollo’s head. Leorio had told him to watch the chicken, and watch it he did. He stared at the burning chicken, thinking it was simply getting color. Needless to say, no one was impressed, Ms. Kurta least of all. But her hostility softened with the years, especially when the kids came. 

Oh, the kids. Leorio loved the twins to death, but the hours of sleep he lost late at night assuring their parents that ‘Yes, newborns drool’ and ‘No, Aku isn’t dying, green poop is normal’ were enough to drive anyone insane. Or the stressful egg period when the twins decided nothing on this earth was worthy of mention but eggs, then proceeded to repeat the word to every question. 

“Aku, baby, say dada.”

“Egg.”

“You want milk, Kaya? Milk. Mee-lk.”

“Egg.”

“Do you think they understand us? Maybe it was something we did. I knew letting Phinks babysit them wasn’t a good idea.”

“Don’t worry, honey. They understand us. I noticed they move their hands a certain way whenever they want their diapers changed. They speak sign language.”

"......"

“Egg.”

Kaya was a clever little thing. She stole the hearts of everyone around her with her playful banters. Leorio thought himself above competing for her affection like the rest, as she had bestowed upon him the esteemed title of 'Most Favorite Uncle'. He quickly learned Kaya handed out compliments and praises like candies, which ensured she had everyone wrapped around her little finger. Like father, like daughter alright. 

Even Kurapika’s no-bullshit policy couldn’t resist Kaya’s charm. Leorio stopped bringing work papers with him ever since Melody told him how Kurapika just smiled when he found the meeting report with hearts and _I love yous_ drawn on it. They now have it framed and displayed like a trophy, and their only concern was why Kaya misspelled her father’s name. Leorio didn’t know how to delicately tell them it wasn’t a sign of dyslexia but the rather unique spelling of Quwrof Wrlccywrlfh. 

Aku, the second twin, was as bright as his namesake, the moon. The similarities didn’t end there, he too only appeared at night. They only learned of his secret routine when they noticed a decline in the snack bars, which Kurapika blamed Chrollo’s sweet tooth for until Leorio pointed out how long Aku slept in the morning. For a 4-year-old, he sure knew how to cover his tracks. 

Looking back, snitching on him wasn’t the wisest choice. Aku’s only joy in life was to watch and learn what irritated people the most, then he would do it whenever they visited. He noticed that Leorio hated loud noises, and now ear-bleeding TV always greeted Leorio. 

His parents thought he was a genius, and Leorio would give it to them, the kid had numerous talents, including: stealing any phones he could find and filling them with pictures of his face, paralyzing every living being with one cry, collecting empty water bottles, marching in Hisoka’s heels which was frightening for a toddler, especially when he dressed as a clown for Halloween. 

As for Leorio’s resort- their house- it was no longer the place to unwind after work. The children wreaked havoc there, making it impossible to sit without a shoe smacking you in the face. The classical music was long gone. Now 'Baby Shark' played on repeat from an unknown source. When Leorio caught himself humming _Baby Shark doo doo, doo doo doo doo_ between appointments, he vowed to visit them less and save his sanity. 

If _he_ was struggling, he couldn’t imagine how the young parents must feel. A lot worse, judging by the way he caught Chrollo half-naked and dancing to stop his son from crying. Leorio couldn’t look at him the same way since.

One day, Kurapika was furious at something the kids did, so he cursed himself, then Chrollo and the day he married him. Leorio wisely decided to keep his distance, knowing from experience that the best course of action, when met with an angry Kurapika, was to play dead.

But life wasn’t always bad. Leorio would spend the next Christmas with the family, listening to Kaya chatter endlessly that he would miss the egg phase, watching Aku do the newest stunt he learned from Gon and Killua, assuring Kurapika that no, the gifts weren’t expensive, drinking secretly before dinner with Chrollo, losing money again in poker. 

“Are you coming this Friday?”

Leorio closed his eyes, feeling peaceful for the first time in a while. 

“Yes.” 

“Good, we need your car for the engagement party.”

“ _Engagement_??”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Congrats to Pakunoda and Machi for the engagement! I desperately want to write something for them, maybe later.  
> This whole fic ended up being me using Leorio as a self-insert to vent :)


End file.
